“NEW PLAN! I’m gonna make confetti out of little girl panties! MOMMMMMMM! I’m gonna make confetti out of little girl panties and throw it in your face!”
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June 2013
4 posts
“But what’s more creative than making bows out of little girl panties?”
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“*at the top of her lungs* I DO NOT HAVE ANAL CANCER. Or ankle cancer. Or any cancer. I just have ankle lumps!!”
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- Kimmy: *holding out her hand* You know what these are?
- Me: No, what?
- Kimmy: Fingers! *dies laughing*
- Me: Are you high?
- Kimmy: .....maybe?
February 2013
2 posts
“*to the tune of Wheels on the Bus* The poop in your butt goes plop plop plop, plop plop plop, plop plop plop, the poop in your butt goes plop plop plop, alllll through your colonnnnnnn! ….I can sing it for you in whale too!”
—…..I don’t even know how this is related to me.
“What the fuck is that?! It looks like a hobbit! …..wait no, not a hobbit! It’s Micky Dolenz! That’s what’s wrong with his face; Micky Dolenz is a Pekinese!”
—Kimmy, watching the Best In Show dog show
January 2013
7 posts
*facepalms forever*
- Kimmy: I don't get it. Why does this matter?
- Dad: This is history happening RIGHT. NOW. These don't happen every day, it's important!
- Kimmy: All he's doing is walking around waving at people! I could do that. Why does anybody care when he does it?
- Dad: Because he's the president and you're not.
- Kimmy: I still don't get it. Is this because it's a black holiday?
- Dad: Fuck! That was my kidney!
- Kimmy: Well screw your kidney!
“I want to live in Malibu! It sounds fun! ….Wait, where’s Malibu? Is it, like, in the U.S.?”
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“God! Nobody cares about your flowery, pearly nipples, mom!”
—Kimmy, commenting on a sweater
- Mom: Ewww, you dropped popcorn on your crotch and you're still eating it?
- Kimmy: Yeah! It's crotchcorn!! Hey, want some crotchcorn?
- Me: Errr, no.
- Kimmy: Check me out, I'm eating my crotchcorns! Wait, are crotchcorns a thing I don't know about? No, really! Are they a thing for real??
“I suck at Life!!!”
—Kimmy talking about the board game LIFE
“She looks like a Sour Patch Kid! Wait…. I meant Cabbage Patch Kid! She totally doesn’t look like the Sour Patch Kid package. Imagine if she DID, though….”
—Kimmy, talking about Morgan from this video
“Shut up dog, I don’t want your herpes!!”
—…I get the feeling Kimmy doesn’t fully understand what herpes are…
December 2012
7 posts
“So wait, if they’re pirates in this….does that make Davy a buttpirate? Nez always rubs his boner on him, he’s a buttpirate!”
—Kimmy while watching “Hitting The High Seas”. I just can’t even right now….
“Badger badger badger badger badger badger mushroom mushroom—OHMYGAWD NO I’M A LLAMA! YES! LLAMA POWER!!”
—how ADD Kimmy gets even while reciting a simple song…
“It’s not supposed to stay up! Blankets don’t have gravity!”
—What Kimmy told me upon my trying on a Snuggie for the first time and complaining about it sliding down my arms over and over
“I have this joke, you’ll like this. A moose walks into a grocery store to buy potatoes. But he looks all around and he can’t find any potatoes! So he goes and asks the guy at the cash register where the potatoes are kept, and the guy says “aisle five”. So the moose goes to aisle five, and there’s no potatoes! …Get it? The guy lied to him, and it’s funny because mooses don’t talk or eat potatoes!”
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“Is a zebra from the cat or the dog family? It’s got four legs and a tail like a dog, but it has stripes like a cat….but cats have tails, too…”
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Introductory post
Well, I’ve been saying I was gonna make one of these for the longest time, and I’m finally now getting around to it. One place to house many gems that seem to just flow from my very-blonde sister’s mouth on a daily basis. I can’t find all the old ones I’ve posted before on numerous social networks, so I’ll just post them as they happen from here out, plus a couple that she’s never lived down. Capisce? Hope you guys enjoy this little glimpse of what it’s like to live with this kid!
